I Chose To Be Tortured By My Children

After I had Miss Fancy Pants I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old because I had no choice. I needed to work for the income and the health insurance.

Fast-forward 5 + years and I was pregnant with my second child. I was working over 40 hours a week, in school full time, had a 5 year old, and owned a house.

My future makeup artist was born in May and I began my 12 weeks of maternity leave. I loved staying home with the kids (although Fancy Pants was in PreK part time). I was able to sleep in, take care of the kids, the house was (almost) always clean, and I cooked. I was becoming an excellent housewife (nothing like I am today).

The plan was for me to go back to work after my maternity leave somewhere around the beginning of August, which was also when my next semester of school would start.

I worried silently about how I was going to balance family life while working 40 + hours a week and going to school full time.

This thought constantly freaked me out. I knew there was a possibility that I would break under the stress and ultimately my family would suffer.

I also went to the doctor and was told that there was a possibility I had cancer.

Nothing like the threat of cancer to make you re-evaluate your life. 

So, my husband and I went through our finances over and over.

We looked at how our life used to be when I was working compared with how it was when I was on maternity leave.

We knew financially it would be a struggle for me to stay home.

It didn’t matter.

Our family was happy with me not working.

That’s all that was important.

We made this decision over 2 years ago and I have never regretted staying home to be tortured by my children.

P.S. the cancer scare turned out to be a false alarm.

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Hi and welcome! My name is Jessica Torres and I'm a homeschooling mom of two adorably insane girls on the path to greener living. I'm also self declared iPhone addict and lover of all things Apple. When not attached to my kids, my iPhone, or my laptop, you can find me creating cocktail recipes. Subscribe by RSS Feed or by email to join in the fun over here.

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115 Responses to I Chose To Be Tortured By My Children

  1. martha says:

    i quit full time to focus on my children too, no regrets. Glad you’re well and healthy. :)
    martha recently posted..Bird Watching Again

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I’m glad to hear you were able to quit your job to stay home with your kids too. It’s really a great decision if you are able to.

  2. jacqui
    Twitter: chicktuition
    says:

    I’m happy that you’re able to choose whether to stay home and be tortured by your children or not. I’m sure your snow boot wearing makeup artist appreciates being with you. And I’m even more happy that you’re healthy!
    jacqui recently posted..This Is Scary Stuff…

  3. Stephanie
    Twitter: supermomboots
    says:

    It can be so hard financially. But so absolutely worth it. Most days :)

    So glad it was a false alarm!
    Stephanie recently posted..I Have….

    • Jessica Torres says:

      In the beginning it was definitely a struggle financially but now that we started our own business it’s easier. Plus daycare is so expensive.

  4. Ali
    Twitter: suitcasetricks
    says:

    I have always worked and never wanted to stay home. Financially we’d be toast! We did consider it for a bit this year when my company told me that they were selling my part of the business and I better start looking. I didn’t want to have to start another new job again and we did a lot of soul searching. Luckily I found something that works better for me.
    Ali recently posted..A Science Project – I "Rock"

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I’m happy to hear you found something that worked for you. I would have never imagined that I would be a stay at home mom but I do love it.

  5. Alison@Mama Wants This
    Twitter: MamaWantsThis
    says:

    First, I’m glad that was not cancer.

    Second, there’s nothing like staying home with the kids and having a good and happy family life.

    Good choices, Jess!
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Guest Star: Stasha of The Good Life

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Thanks Alison. It is nice to be at home with my kids, even if I don’t get to sleep in everyday like I want to.

  6. Kimberly
    Twitter: KimberlyAMuro
    says:

    So glad you are healthy and everything was okay.

    I chose to stay home with the kids too, though it did make things tighter financially. There’s nothing like being home with our families.

    And seriously? This #samebrain nonsense is out of control.
    Kimberly recently posted..Taking It All In Stride

    • Jessica Torres says:

      It’s sad we have to decide between finances and time with our family but that’s life.

      #samebrain is starting to get very freaky.

  7. Theresa
    Twitter: amountainmomma
    says:

    Staying home was best thing ever, I miss it so much. SO much…. Do I really need to go to school? Hmmm….

    I’m so glad you don’t have cancer and that you can make amazing martinis.
    xoxoxo
    Theresa recently posted..I am not an axe-murderer, I don’t know who told you that…

  8. Nichole
    Twitter: nicholebeaudry
    says:

    The sacrifices that we make to stay home? Will seem so trivial when we’re older and we see the impact that our choices made on our family.
    So sorry you had that scare…so happy that it helped you to make the right choices for your family.
    xoxo
    Nichole recently posted..Smudges

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Deciding to stay at home was one of the biggest decisions I have made and I can already see that it has benefited my family. I wouldn’t change it at all.

  9. Galit Breen
    Twitter: galitbreen
    says:

    Thank goodness it was a scare, and thank goodness for choices that end up being oh so very right! xo
    Galit Breen recently posted..22 Things I Have Done

  10. Carri
    Twitter: carribrown
    says:

    Wow! I’m glad it was just a scare!
    Carri recently posted..Related: Unicorns, Glitter and Nutella

  11. Amanda
    Twitter: Lilahbility
    says:

    Phew! How long did it take to find out for sure that it was a false alarm? I can only imagine how terrifying that would be. Sounds like that scare may have been a blessing in disguise.
    Amanda recently posted..10 Things Pumpkin

    • Jessica Torres says:

      It took a couple weeks if I remember right. It was scary but it helped me to make a very important decision in my life.

  12. Stasha
    Twitter: NorthWestMommy
    says:

    So happy it turned out to be a false alarm. Being at home is a privilege and pinch myself every day. That is why I have no problem driving an old minivan and skipping pedicures…
    Stasha recently posted..Monday Listicles

  13. Yuliya says:

    You slept in with an infant? How is that possible? And you cooked and cleaned? Please don’t ever let my husband know that as it will only set impossible standards that I simply cannot live up to.
    Yuliya recently posted..it’s important to talk about depression

    • Jessica Torres says:

      L has always been a late sleeper but mostly because she stays up late at night. I have no idea what was with the cooking and cleaning. Don’t worry, I don’t do it anymore.

  14. Tonya says:

    So sorry you had that scare, but thrilled you are pleased with your decision to be a tortured mom (err… I mean, stay at home mom) like me!
    Tonya recently posted..Halloween

  15. Mirjam
    Twitter: applesndroses
    says:

    Man, that must have been a hard time. So glad you’re in a good place right now.
    Healthy and enjoying being tortured by your kids. My husband and I made the same decision 5 years ago, and we made it financially. It seemed impossible at the time,
    but we’re doing ok. So now I’m in the same place: Happy, but being tormented by choice.
    Mirjam recently posted..Blue and green

    • Jessica Torres says:

      It did seem impossible at the time we were thinking about me staying home but I’m so grateful that we were fortunate enough to make it all work. I’m happy to hear you were able to make the same decision.

  16. Hopes@Staying Afloat!
    Twitter: HStayingAfloat
    says:

    I’m so very glad that the scare turned out to be nothing.

    My husband and I made th choice before we even started trying that I would stay home once our first child was born. It was an adjustment to say the least, but we’ve grown into it. Everything is as it should be, and all!
    Hopes@Staying Afloat! recently posted..Sunday Sweetness ~ A Normal Day

  17. Venassa
    Twitter: thebestdays
    says:

    Glad you get to stay home and do what you love! And that the cancer turned out to be just a scare. And torture? It’s 5am and my 5 week old hasn’t slept more than 5 minutes at a time all night. Torture is the perfect word.
    Venassa recently posted..New: Partnerships for November

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I remember those sleepless nights. I had the very same last night but with my toddler. She cried almost all night for Grandma, her pumpkin, her sister’s chapstick, and vampires.

  18. Elena
    Twitter: elenawollborg
    says:

    I’m so very glad that was a cancer scare and not for real. I’m sure that must have been a huge stress. I can imagine that it’s also scary giving up your salary & wondering how it will all go. I’m glad you made this choice and that it was what was best for your family. I struggle all the time & wonder if me working is the best decision. Granted, I do have an awesome schedule for a working mom since I’m home by 4 and I have summers off, but for some reason it’s been more apparent than ever that I do have major feelings/wishes that I want to stay home for a few years. Oh well. Stupid economy!
    Elena recently posted..Future Dancing with the Stars Champions

    • Jessica Torres says:

      It sucks that the economy decides what we do for our kids but that is the reality of life. You are fortunate to have a job that allows you to be home early and to have summers off.

  19. I made the same choice and am so glad we were able to have me stay at home.

    I am glad you are okay!
    JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Muffin Tin Monday-Halloween

  20. tracy@sellabitmum
    Twitter: sellabitmum
    says:

    I made the same choice and cannot imagine being anywhere else. xo
    tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..BOO! In the Blogosphere Halloween Costume Link-Up

    • Jessica Torres says:

      My life would be completely different if I was still working and I don’t think it would be very good for my family.

  21. Kimberly says:

    In today’s tough economy, its really a privledge to get tortured everyday by your children ;)
    I’m glad that you get to stay home and watch your babes grow ;)
    Oh and blog….cause I lurve your writing ;)
    Kimberly recently posted..I Wish That I Didn’t Have These Thoughts

  22. John
    Twitter: daddyrunsalot
    says:

    The dollars & cents, sometimes, really don’t add up in my situation . . . but, despite it, we still have my wife at home with the kids. The plan is certain . . . we’ll “make do” from now until the kids are both in school . . . and then, and only then, she’ll return to work as a school librarian, having, essentially, the same schedule as the kids.

    Until then, it’s stressful at times, but I can’t imagine trying it any other way.
    John recently posted..Where I say “whoops” after looking at the calendar

    • Jessica Torres says:

      To be able to have the same schedule as the kids would be awesome. I don’t know what my plan is yet once my youngest goes to school but I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

  23. That was a decision we made as well, and it was tough so much of the time, but I wouldn’t have done it any other way. So worth it!
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..My Trip To Fellowes Headquarters

  24. Sherri
    Twitter: OldTweener
    says:

    Wow, how scary! And I know what you mean…sometimes you just have to reevaluate your life and make changes.

    And so glad it was a false alarm.
    Sherri recently posted..Got Noise?

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Changes can be scary in life but I think some of them are for the best and I’m sure my decision to stay home was for the best of my family.

  25. Grumpy Grateful Mom
    Twitter: grumpygrateful
    says:

    So glad you are healthy! I feel fotunate I’ve been able to stay home and be tortured by my children too. :)
    Grumpy Grateful Mom recently posted..The Crazy Carving Competition

  26. I haven’t met a mom yet who regrets that decision! Sooo glad you’re healthy mama and oh so happy!!! :)
    Cam – Bibs & Baubles recently posted..Get Pollen-ated

  27. Tammi says:

    I could not agree with you more there is nothing like being a stay at home mom! My Mom had a cancer scare a few months back and you are right it makes you re-evaluate the things in your life and your time. I know in my case it made me remember how short life is and to surround yourself with the people you love!

  28. Surferwife
    Twitter: surferwife
    says:

    Funny how the important things in life are put in perspective with a life threatening scare.

    Thank God it was a false alarm.
    Surferwife recently posted..SurferWife, SurferWife. What do you fear?

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I’m so glad it was a false alarm but I’m fortunate that the threat helped to figure out my path in life.

  29. Sweaty
    Twitter: dosweatthesmall
    says:

    Phew, I’m glad to hear that the cancer scare was a false alarm!

    I commended you for making the decision to stay home, and also your husband for supporting that decision. I know that it might be different for each family, but your decision, which was based on your family’s happiness, was undoubtedly the right one. For you and your husband to prioritize that above all else showed how dedicated and committed you both were towards building a family and raising happy children!
    Sweaty recently posted..How a Heart Breaks

  30. I am home full time and have loved (almost) every minute. I married a great guy who works twice as hard so I don’t have to. I am fortunate, but don’t appreciate when people say I am lucky (although I know they mean well). Luck has nothing to do with it. We’ve given up a lot, but it is so worth it.
    Marie@feedingfive recently posted..The Internship

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I know exactly what you mean about people saying you are lucky. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. We have worked for what we have in life and luck really has never had anything to do with it.

  31. Shell says:

    Thank God it was nothing!

    It’s definitely a struggle for me to stay home- but we make it work.
    Shell recently posted..Why It’s Good to Let Your Kids Have Halloween Candy

  32. Leigh Ann
    Twitter: latorres
    says:

    Love this, and I’m so glad it turned out to be a false alarm. I pretty much knew as soon as I found out I was having twins that I was going to be staying home. I would have just been working to pay daycare, and since I didn’t love my job, I was happy to leave. Plus, when my FMLA was up, they were only 1 week “adjusted,” considering I was on bedrest for 2 weeks and they were 9 weeks premature. I couldn’t have put them in daycare if I wanted to.

    I’m glad you’re at peace with your decision! It’s a struggle for so many moms.
    Leigh Ann recently posted..Pumpkin? Too bad, you’re a butterfly.

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Having twins and trying to go back to work would have been so difficult. I know some people have to but I’m glad to hear you were able to stay at home. I couldn’t imagine putting the kids in daycare after being born early and only being one week adjusted.

  33. Bewildered Bug
    Twitter: bewilderedbug
    says:

    From the non-Mommy in the group – just a question – what other life events would you have considered worth staying home for? I’m not bashing just trying to relate a bit more. BTW if I have kids anytime soon I’ll be staying home too.
    Bewildered Bug recently posted..Mental Health Mondays: Hurting friends – can you help?

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I don’t know what other events I would have stayed home for. I wasn’t completely happy with my job but I did like working and moving up in the career world.

  34. Eve
    Twitter: EverythingEvie
    says:

    I’m glad it was just a false alarm, Jessica!!

    I think choosing to stay home is a very personal decision and a hard one at that. You have to do what’s right for your family and your finances. It sucks that we, as mothers have to make this difficult dicision, but we do. Hopefully if/when our home sells, we can leave Boston for a more affordable living situtation. And hopefully that new situation will include me working from home part-time instead of full-time at the office. Fingers crossed…
    Eve recently posted..Shutterfly Holiday Cards Are Awesome {giveaway}

    • Jessica Torres says:

      It is very unfortunate that we have to make our decisions based on money and the economy but it is the reality of life. If I went back to work now it would be just to pay for daycare and that really isn’t worth it for our family. I hope once you sell your house you can start working from home part time.

  35. By Word of Mouth Musings
    Twitter: ByWordsMusings
    says:

    but its a good torture ….
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Howlerific Halloween – Time to Link Up!

  36. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    Twitter: FarewellStrangr
    says:

    Posts like this are so empowering. Good for you! I’m glad you did what was right. (And what would the blogging world be without My Time As Mom?)
    Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..The Truth

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Thank you Robin. The blogging world would be the same without me but I think Twitter would be a lot less fun. ;)

  37. Lane says:

    This post gives me hope that I can make school and being a full time mommy work. I have been a SAHM since my daughter was born 20 months ago and I’m starting college today! I’m scared as hell, but I’m excited to. Great post, thanks! (I’m glad your scare was a false alarm. That would be so scary!)
    Lane recently posted..Beware the Man-Cold!

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Good luck on starting school. I went back to get my college degree when my oldest was 14 months old. It was scary but it was so worth it. It took me about 6 years to get my B.A. degree but I don’t regret a single moment of it.

  38. Miss Marina Star
    Twitter: MissMarinaStar
    says:

    I totally understand how scary it is to make the leap from two incomes to one. It’s obvious that you made it work, your family (and your garden) are thriving.
    Miss Marina Star recently posted..Yep, I did that.

  39. Natalie
    Twitter: corp2domestic
    says:

    I’m so glad it was a false alarm…that is scary. I’m also glad that you are enjoying being home with your girls—those memories you’ll cherish forever!
    Natalie recently posted..Happy Halloween-Love, Giraffe!

  40. Laci
    Twitter: laci512
    says:

    Thank goodness it was just a scare!! I cannot I
    imagine how stressful that time must have been.
    Laci recently posted..Don’t Worry I’ll Give You An Alibi

  41. Jessica says:

    I quit my job in January of 2010. It was the best decision I’ve made in my life. I have all the respect for working moms because I know how tough it is to work and then, on top of that, have to balance a household, children, etc. It’s tough. I am thankful to be able to stay home, which is also tough on many days, while also working to figure out ways to still pursue my other professional goals like becoming a writer.
    Jessica recently posted..Just remember to breathe

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I have a lot of respect for working moms as well since I did it for 5 years with my oldest. It can be difficult to be a stay at home mom but in a different way than life is difficult for working moms. I hope you can still pursue your goals in life from home.

  42. I always say – whatever works best for your family is the right decision! Sounds like this was the right decision for you.
    Nicole at the Boy House recently posted..It was a graveyard smash!

  43. Amy
    Twitter: jamcadventures
    says:

    We had to reevaluate me working last year, and it was definitely tough. But there have been so many benefits to me staying at home and homeschooling my kids, that we haven’t looked back, either. Finances are tight, but our family life is so much smoother. You always know what’s best for your family!

    • Jessica Torres says:

      We have been contemplating me homeschooling my oldest. Not sure yet if I can handle it but I know many people that do.

  44. Kir
    Twitter: thekircorner
    says:

    I was never strong enough to do this.I know it would not be the right decision for our family and I envy woman who do it. I truly do…I consider you so much stronger than I am…daycare being expensive doesn’t bother me because I know the boys are getting what I couldn’t give them I often wonder if I’m just selfish. I hope not. However no matter what decisions we make as moms I always just pray that it works for our lives, our families…and your decision is def the right one for you and your girls. Xo
    Kir recently posted..Just Be Enough: Sharing the Truth

    • Jessica Torres says:

      The right decision for your family is whatever works best for you and the kids. Don’t feel bad that enjoy working. If I had a job that I truly enjoyed then the decision would have been very difficult for me to quit.

  45. My Inner Chick
    Twitter: krrobi
    says:

    –Thank God about the cancer. You scared me.
    So Happy you stayed home w/ your kids.
    I did, too & never looked back. Xx
    My Inner Chick recently posted..26 Things I Have Done

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I’m glad you were able to stay home with the kids too and that you never looked back. It’s scary at first but I’m glad I did it.

  46. Bruna
    Twitter: beeswithhoney
    says:

    I can’t imagine what the Cancer scare would feel or be like but yes, I can see how it helped to put things into perspective for you and your husband. I’m glad it was nothing and I’m also glad you are still happy about staying at home with the girls. Even though they drive us crazy, we find a way to love them and maintain our sanity at the same time. We’re women. We’re blessed with that talenet or so we lead the men in our lives to believe (wink).
    Bruna recently posted..my halloween list

  47. Kate
    Twitter: andthenkate
    says:

    It’s true–even on the hardest days, this is the job I want right now. And it’s the only job I would never again get the chance to try.

    That being said, MAN, ARE KIDS LOUD.
    Kate recently posted..Someone important told me that the orange stripe is full of Vitamin C. Maybe lycopene.

  48. Lindsey
    Twitter: dashingly
    says:

    Cancer, whoa.

    I’m a SAHM and it’s the only way I’d have it, at least until the kids are teens. The way I see it, with five people coming and going it’s good to have one at home keeping track of everyone.
    Lindsey recently posted..Happy Halloween.

  49. So sorry about that scare. And glad you’re ok.

    I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle working full time (and overtime too). Plus, with my daughter going to bed so early, I’d hardly have any time with her. It’s challenging being home, but I’m so glad I’m able to be with her.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Mommy Went Overboard with Halloween

    • Jessica Torres says:

      I was working 7am to 5pm on most days. There was no way I could continue that path and be able to spend time with my kids. It is challenging being home but I’m glad you are also able to do it.

  50. Jen {at} take2mommy
    Twitter: take2mommy
    says:

    I’m glad you decided upon a life change that makes you and your family happy. That’s got to be the right one :)
    Jen {at} take2mommy recently posted..The Best of Halloween

  51. Elaine
    Twitter: elainea
    says:

    I made the same decision after my 2nd was born. I know the life of a working mom of one but I cannot IMAGINE the life of a working mom of three! I like to call myself semi-retired. ;)

    Glad the cancer was a false alarm, how scary! xo
    Elaine recently posted..Remembering Halloween

  52. Barbara
    Twitter: babspinfrance
    says:

    I’m glad to hear that the cancer was a false alarm! I’m glad you got the choice to say home with your girls! I would love to have the chance, but for the moment it isn’t an option for us!
    Barbara recently posted..Fete d’Halloween

    • Jessica Torres says:

      For 5 1/2 years the time wasn’t right for me to stay home either so I know how it is. It’s definitely a life changer to quit your job and stay home with the kids.

  53. MamaTrack
    Twitter: MamaTrack
    says:

    First, you know how glad I am that you are okay. I can’t even imagine.

    That being said, the idea of a serious medical issue, is often how I reaffirm my decision. If If found out something horrible tomorrow, would I be happy with my choice? And the answer is yes. That’s what matters.
    MamaTrack recently posted..Parenting in the Trenches

  54. Holy cow! What a scare! I’m so glad you get to stay home to be “tortured by your kids”…haha!
    Runnermom-jen recently posted..Halloween Madness

  55. Courtney @ The Mommy Matters
    Twitter: MrsMommyMatters
    says:

    Making the choice to Stay-at-home was a hard one for us, too. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with my son, but the questions as to whether or not we could do it financially were a strain. Three years in and I don’t have any intentions of doing anything different. :)
    Courtney @ The Mommy Matters recently posted..I Have/Have Not…

    • Jessica Torres says:

      It is a huge financial sacrifice to stay at home with the kids but in the long run I believe it is worth it if you can make it work.

  56. Mommy2¢ says:

    Holy Frick! 112 comments – it took me like 5 mins to get down her to comment myself! ;^)

    Phew!! Thank God it ended up just being a scare! Sorry to hear you had to go through that. The names you have for your girls on here crack me up!
    Mommy2¢ recently posted..My (not so) Wordless Wednesday! Damn You Autocorrect Edition

    • Jessica Torres says:

      yeah, sorry about that. Sometimes my comment section can get a little long but mostly because I reply to all comments.

      There are posts for each of my kids that go along with those names. They are well deserved.

  57. Jess
    Twitter: jessesco
    says:

    I’m glad you’re ok. And I’m super glad this works for you. What next after school? Will you go back to work after little miss starts?
    Jess recently posted..Comment on Dates with my girl. by Krista

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