The toddler and I went for a quick trip to Target to buy me a new dress.
We searched the aisles; found the right one plus some other things as is often the case at Target.
I walked slowly to the checkstand as she ran behind me as fast as her little legs would let her go.
We made our purchase and headed for the door.
And there she stood.
A mother. Clinging onto an infant in one hand and her bag in the other. At her feet stood a toddler.
Tears poured from the toddler’s face as he screamed that he didn’t want to leave. “NO Mommy NO” he yelled over and over.
I could see the frustration in her red cheeks, the embarrassment in her eyes, the desire to leave the store and go to a place where people wouldn’t stare at her.
As I watched all of this while walking out the door I realized she could be one of them.
She could be one of the people I sympathize with on Twitter every day about their children throwing a tantrum who tells me she #needmorewine.
She could be one of the bloggers whose words left me feeling sad so I wrote her a comment telling her it will be okay and that she is not alone.
She is a mother and she could be one of them.
So I didn’t fire disapproving looks at her or mumble under my breath that I wish her kid would stop screaming.
No, I sympathized with her. I knew her pain because I feel it with my own children and in the words of my friends online.
I cared about this stranger because she could be one of them.
Blogging gave that to me.
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I agree, blogging has awakened empathy I didn’t know I was capable of. Did you take her back inside and buy her some Starbucks?
Also, that dress was CUTE. I bought one similar a couple days ago as well.
Julie @ mamamash recently posted..Making the most of the most important meal
Twitter: galitbreen
says:
Girlfriend? This post gave me chills. True story. Beautiful words, IMPORTANT sentiment. You rocked this one! XO
Galit Breen recently posted..Shades of Childhood
Love this!
You are so right… we all need to remember this the next time someone annoys us, or gets in our way… they might be one of them.
They could be a blogging friend!!
Leighann recently posted..Over the Rainbow in Love (with the weekend)
im so glad you saw this in her, and Im so glad that blogging has shown the insides and struggles of other women to you so that you can increase your compassion out in the real world. its a great benefit of social media for that to happen. And Im glad you wrote about it!!
Twitter: carribrown
says:
LOVE IT. I used to be one of those people. I would give the dirty looks and judge. Now I’m totally ashamed of that. We’ve all been there and we need to support each other!
Carri recently posted..Head Like a Hole
I SO agree with you on this! I have found myself more compassionate, less judgmental, because I think the same thing–what if I’ve been reading her blog or tweeting with her? Not to mention, since I’ve become a mom, I have a lot more empathy for other moms who are struggling.
Twitter: MamasMonologues
says:
LOVE this. I used to be one of those people, darting the disapproving looks at others. But now, I have this same perspective. She could be any one of us. Now I empathize with them. I’m ashamed at how I used to be. We’ve been there and should support each other instead.
Kimberly recently posted..VlogTalk: A Day Without Blogging
Twitter: elainea
says:
And if she is not already one of us, she needs to be. Who else would I “winge” to about my tantrum-throwing toddler??? (okay, yes, my IRL friends but that doesn’t get nearly the fast response! ha!)
Love this post.
I also feel this way with people with their children on airplanes. I totally get it now.
Twitter: dashingly
says:
You big softie! This is a nice post.
Before I had kids I was judgmental of people with little screamers. Now I have three occasional screamers of my own, and I absolutely do what I can to help out ladies like her.
And that blogging makes you more aware of and sympathetic toward others? Priceless. It’s done the same for me.
Lindsey recently posted..On “Teaching Children to Question”.
Twitter: elenawollborg
says:
That’s a really sweet story. I’m glad blogging gave that to you. I feel like parenthood in general gives this to us as well in most cases. As I drank my bloody mary’s on my flight the other day, there was a family w/ 2 toddlers 2 rows ahead of me – both kids throwing separate tantrums. Having just taken a flight cross country with the boys, I could feel her pain and tried to sympathize with her. You never know who needs a hand as a parent.
Elena recently posted..The Fairy Tale Continues
Twitter: ByWordsMusings
says:
You know who really gets this? My husband.
He travels all of the time and prior to having kids of his own, he would stay far away … now he is up and helping and carrying bags and lifting babies.
its awfully sweet.
Nicole recently posted ..www.bywordofmouthmusings.com
Twitter: OldTweener
says:
Perfect. I know exactly what you mean, Jessica. I think that by connecting through blogs and Twitter we all learn just a little bit more about what it’s like to walk in “her” shoes.
Twitter: mommyneedsvaca
says:
Did you actually see me at Target?
#ICouldUseMoreWine
On a more serious note…I couldn’t agree more with your sympathies. So true.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..I Love Me Some Italian Pastries!
Wonderful story and a wonderful perspective! I need to remember this post. I need to remember to not judge another mom whose toddler is acting up. I need to remember to not feel superior that my toddler is not (at that particular moment) acting up. Instead, I must remember that she could be you, or any of the other wonderful moms I’ve “met” through blogging.
Christi recently posted..Of Student Councils and Public Speaking
This is how I feel when I’m out & about, thinking that each person I encounter could be someone I’ve shared with online. I believe it has made me more sympathetic to others. Although I’ve been the woman you mentioned above too many times to count. Motherhood gave me the ability to sympathize with that one. But other people I encounter? I always wonder which of the stories I’ve read onlinecould relate to that person.
I love wearing my Band Back Together shirt around town. I keep hoping someone will ask me about it, so I can share the website & maybe it will help someone.
Good post, Jess.
Roxanne recently posted..The Captain America cookie plan
I love this, Jessica. We are in in this together. Blogging has taught me that. I’m not alone. I can write about anything and find comfort and advice from others.
Great post.
The only thing that would have made this story better was if you had reached out to her, talked to her, comforted her. But I’ve been there….screaming child on one hip and purse spilling all over the place, dying of embarrassment, etc. I’m sure she was in a rush to get out the door and into her car.
Tonya recently posted..Letters For You
Twitter: HStayingAfloat
says:
This is absolutely wonderful! We are all mothers and we all need to realize that what they are going through that day, in that moment could be us tomorrow.
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
says:
Blogging is wonderful in such unexpected ways. I’m glad it gave you this perspective, to empathize instead of judge.
Everyone should blog.
Twitter: Spitupchronicle
says:
I think this is my favorite post of your’s by far! It gave me chills and made me think. Love it!
Jessica recently posted..Asking For Help
Twitter: Mamaonetothree
says:
When I see moms and screaming kids, the empathy usually comes easier to me than in other situations. I have been on the other side and have felt like a complete embarrassed failure of a mother to be honest.
A little compassion from a stranger can sometimes make all the difference. Thank you for the reminder. We don’t know each others’ stories just by looking. This is a gift of blogging.
Twitter: babspinfrance
says:
Love this!! What a great and important sentiment that we have learned from blogging!
Barbara recently posted..Dijon
Sympathy, that’s they said about it. I agree with you. I hope there are more people like you in the world.
Twitter: jessesco
says:
I love the blogging world. And Twitter. There is a camaraderie you don’t get anywhere else–including Facebook
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
says:
This is what I love so much about blogging. The community and understanding that comes from it. I think it’s easier to admit via computer screen that life isn’t perfect (at least it is for me) & being able to write that and read from others helps me feel more ‘normal’ in my parenting struggles. Great post.
It’s great how even though we may be worlds or even just cities apart, something like motherhood can bring us right in each others’ hearts…
RachelJoy recently posted..Weight Loss Completed!
That is a really lovely way to try to look at people, to remember how encouraging we are to our friends, IRL and on-line, and to try to bring that compassion and understanding to anyone we encounter.
I love this post Jessica!
angela recently posted..Mind Games
Twitter: madwomandiary
says:
I loved that you wrote this.
Being a parent has certainly changed my views of the world and blogging had made me realize my experience isn’t so different than everyone else’s.
I wonder what we can do to spread the empathy?
Mad Woman behind the Blog recently posted..And the training continues, 22 days to go.
Twitter: Twinisms
says:
I would probably still give her dirty looks. Mostly out of jealousy that I always have two screaming toddlers to her one! I hope she forgives me.
Bridget recently posted..Sometimes People Don’t Suck
this has to be my favorite post of yours so far. awesome jessica! you totally get a new appreciation for the situation after being in it yourself and after meeting other mom (online or IRL) who have been there.
Cam – Bibs & Baubles recently posted..Working Mom Blues
Awww! It’s so great to read a *happy* blog-related story! I’m glad you were so kind to her.
But I think you should have told her about Twitter and #wineparty.
liz recently posted..No More Diapers for Me!
Twitter: corp2domestic
says:
This is so well written! And yes we’ve all been there…and it’s better to be there for someone than to wish they would get a kid under control…b/c the next trip it just might be us dealing with the same thing.
Natalie recently posted..Not Just Chromosomes–by Germaine at Kiddothings
Twitter: kellytirman
says:
You saw me at Target?
Kelly Tirman recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Learning How to Put on Swim Goggles
Twitter: MrsMommyMatters
says:
I couldn’t agree more. Blogging has given me a whole new sense of sympathy and appreciation for the bad days other moms have. We may not have it all together, but in the grand scheme of things, we’re all IN THIS together.
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters recently posted..Everything to Everyone
Twitter: LittleMsP
says:
So true and so well put! Had me tearing up. Well said!
Paulette recently posted..The Art of Awesome
Twitter: grumpygrateful
says:
Great post! When I see a mom in that situation I usually make a lame comment to the mom like, “Oh, I’ve been there.” Though I’m also usually relieved to not be THAT mom for the moment, as I’m sure I’ll get plenty more turns.
Grumpy Grateful Mom recently posted..The Morning Routine
Twitter: Mippertje
says:
What a beautiful post.
I hope more mothers symphatize with each other, cause we’ve all been there
more or less.
How wonderful that you can say that blogging has given you a bigger heart!
Then all the hours you spend blogging are definitely worth it, right?
Mirjam recently posted..Simple treasures
So true! I have been there so many times that when I see it happening to someone else, I don’t judge.
Jackie recently posted..Monday’s Music: Billy Joel
Twitter: rustilyn
says:
this is absolutely perfect Jess. I love that blogging has given you this additional outlook. it could definitely be any of us, all of us… beautiful post.
Rusti recently posted..The Monitor
Mothers need more bloggers like you, who sympathize, understand and don’t judge. Beautiful post.
Anne recently posted..Fresh & Easy Chocolate Fudge Cake – Review
Oh, I never really thought of that! True! So true!
Nicole at the Boy House recently posted..Nostalgia and almost-birthdays.
Oh, you are so right!! I have been that mom with the toddler throwing a tantrum, and getting the looks from strangers.
This is a great post!
P.S. Does anyone ever call you Jess? My sister’s name is Jessica and she goes by Jess, and I always want to call you that…but I won’t if you don’t like it
Twitter: krrobi
says:
“She could be one of them.”
She probably “was one of them. I am sure of that.
& Perhaps she even reads your blog, Jessica.
My Inner Chick recently posted..My Inner Chick’s First Givaway!
Twitter: MTDBlog
says:
Love this post! SO true. Well written!
Nicole @MTDLBlog recently posted..My Heart is With Her ~ September 11th {Ten Years}
Its so true. Being a mother is the most difficult job in the world and we need to build each other up, not pass judgment.
Jen recently posted..Ain’t Child’s Play Grand?
This is a truly beautiful post and your words are extremely powerful and moving. Social media has also given me the opportunity to meet so many different people and get a glimpse into their lives trough blogging or twitter and like you, I think it has made me a better person by being able to empathize versus judging or being plain ignorant. Thank you for sharing!
Jamee recently posted..Invisible Illness Awareness Week 2011
Twitter: laurenweber84
says:
Wow, I have chills, too. Amazing writing, Jessica. And SO TRUE! I always want to go hug moms when I hear their newborns cry as they shop…I’ve been there and its horrible. Us moms need to stick together. Less judging and more helping. ((You may have just inspired a future post for me…))
Mrs. Weber recently posted..What I’d Change About My House – VlogTalk
Twitter: katiefhurley
says:
Wonderful post, my friend. Whoever she is, she is definitely one of us.
Practical Parenting recently posted..Tragic Talk (5 Tips for talking to kids about tragedies)
Twitter: andthenkate
says:
Yep. Motherhood (and blogging) have made me much less judgmental. They’ve also made me more sarcastic, but let’s just ignore that for now. It’s a sweet kind of sarcasm, I like to think. Downright sugary, that’s me.
(Also: How do you mothers of two DO all this, anyway?!?)
Kate recently posted..I’ll take Passione for $8.99, or: Take-out menus I have known and loved.
Twitter: amountainmomma
says:
I think you are right. Blogging gives us an inside look into how other mothers really struggle with things. How things can go pear shaped and shitty all at one, through no real fault of our own.
Theresa recently posted..Momma changes…
Twitter: teamrasler
says:
I’m never sure in those moments whether the kind thing to do is not make eye contact and pretend I don’t see it, or give a sympathetic look or actually say, “Oh, I’ve been there, and I’m sorry you’re having this kind of day.” I never know which kind of response will make her feel better, because I’ve had different times of needing each one. You’re right – it sure is helpful having blog friends who are with us through these tough days and moments!
Jessica@Team Rasler recently posted..The good guys
What’s wrong with pear-shaped and shitty?
I mean…”Here’s the wine opener!”
XO
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me curious.
I never give that mom the look either… because I’ve been there. I’ve been and still am the mom with “that” kid and I think that we’ve all been there once or twice. So judging is the worst thing we could do… help, offer a hand, sympathize, or give the ones saying something or giving her the look one of your own.
Jackie recently posted..Another zucchini recipe – Cookies!
Twitter: fourplusanangel
says:
Love this post and totally agree. I thought I was open-minded before but blogging has opened me up to so many different types of people and experiences. And I never look at that mom because it is usually me
.
Jessica recently posted..The Hot Seat
Twitter: laci512
says:
Oh I feel for this mother! I am so thankful that my kids didn’t ever get that bad or at least not in public. They certainly had their moments but thankfully they were normally in the privacy of our home.
Twitter: EverythingEvie
says:
I totally understand this scenario. I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been the mom with the screaming child and I’ve been the sympathetic mom who gives a knowing glance at ‘that’ mom. You’re so right, blogging has given us an extra-sympathetic mindset towards other moms. We feel the pain.
Eve recently posted..10 Reasons Why I’m Proud To Raise My Son in America
Twitter: livingthescream
says:
So true! We have all be there and there is nothing worse than those looks of disapproval! It’s so much better to sympathize. I love that the internet makes this possible as well.
Carly recently posted..Guest Posting
so true! I try to sympathize too. Like I don’t get up and move when there is a child on the train. I know that when people do that to me, I get a little offended
Raine recently posted..Hire Me – Please?
I totally think the same thing sometimes – can so relate.
Being a mama can be so hard.
Great post.
Susan recently posted..Zoology
Twitter: missybedell
says:
Visiting from Mommy’s in a Timeout today! You are SO. Right. We all have our turn in the “OMG I want to sink into the floor” barrel. And it’s important to sympathize rather than judge.
Missy | The Literal Mom recently posted..Eli Rose Social Media – How Do I Love Thee?
Kids are a trip.
Ed Adams recently posted..Wacky Weird News Wednesday: Full Of Wieners
Twitter: nannygoats
says:
This is a great reminder for all of us who read blogs that we could be more sympathetic in real life, as much as we seem to be in the comments section.
Margaret (Nanny Goats) recently posted..How to Feel Fat, Old, and Frumpy
That is absolutely what I learned on this day. Since then I have had a new outlook on people and I think it has made me a better person.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I held on to this because I wanted to really read it – and then your site got messed up.
But I’m back! This is awesome, Jess. I know just what you mean. It’s an added blessing we get from blogging and I love that you thought about that in the moment.
Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Genius, Power and Magic: Commitment and a Leap of Faith
Thank you for coming back to read it Robin. That means a lot to me.
really nice, thanks. She might have been me
Diana Hampo recently posted..More Stuff To Teach Your Kids
Thank you for this! Blogging and motherhood in general have definitely opened my eyes and increased my empathy of others. Before I had kids I would be one of the people giving dirty looks and mumbling comments under my breath about unruly misbehaving kids and parents needing to take control. Funny how I was such an expert back then. We are all the perfect mom before we have kids right!
Once I actually became a mom I had a hard reailty check. It’s so saddening to be on the other end of that scenario. The saddest of all is when other mothers, women who have kids with them, give the dirty looks or say the rude comments. You would hope that because they are a mom they would at least understand.
Christy @ Adventures in Mommyhood recently posted..My Moment- Nov 4, 2011
Becoming a mother definitely changes our perspective on other mothers and you would hope that this new perspective would include empathy but it doesn’t always and that is unfortunate. Blogging for me has also opened my eyes and made me see others different which has been great.
This is absolutely beautiful. Blogging really does help us see the bigger picture.
shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say: Letters for Lucas
Thank you Shell! Blogging has really helped me get a better understanding of other mothers and a greater empathy.
Hi! I have been that woman. I know what you mean that blogging has helped you see things in a different light. You have more compassion for those parents because we have walked in their shoes.
Recently, I was that Mom with the energetic kids. I wish the sales people in the store I was in were more compassionate!
Here is the article.
http://ichoosehappynow.com/2011/10/27/cup-of-joy/kids-tantrums-while-shopping-for-toys-and-candies%e2%80%93why-i-avoid-some-stores/
Cheers,
Louise
It would be nice if sales people were more empathetic to mothers with kids who are having a rough time. Maybe one day.
So true. Empathy through blogging or being on twitter is happening to me as well. Sometime’s people can’t control a crying child as much as they want to.
It is very difficult to control children sometimes, especially when they are throwing a fit. I’m glad to hear that blogging and Twitter have given you a different outlook as well.
Twitter: latorres
says:
Love this. I think I started empathizing more when my kids started throwing tantrums. I saw a video of a stand up comic who said that people who don’t have kids look at a tantrum and say something like “What a horrible mother! Why can’t she control her child?” But once you’ve been there & done that, you’re all, “What in the world did that child do to that poor woman?!?!” So true. I always give empathetic looks/smiles.
But I’ve also been that mom who had to drag one screaming kid while holding one wiggly screaming toddler and holding another hand of a kid who was actually behaving and try to get them all from the park to the car. Lots of stares. Not one offer to help.
Awesome post, Jessica!
Leigh Ann recently posted..At Gunpoint
It’s sad that there were no offers to help but that does seem to be how our society is. It’s unfortunate.
Twitter: KoalaBearWriter
says:
Beautiful and so true. It is hard at times to be a mother… it does help to know that someone nearby understands you. Sometimes when I’m out with my kids, I don’t even look around because I don’t want to see the disapproving looks (even if my kids haven’t done anything wrong yet!). Thank you for sharing this.
Bonnie Way recently posted..For the Love of a Jeep
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
says:
This IS one of my favorite posts of yours, Jess. Thanks for sharing it with us for Blog Bash!
(blogging is so awesome)
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Blog Bash Link Up!
The true power of social media…it does give us perspective and engender compassionate exchange. And I’ve found, too, that these carry over into real life. I’ll bet that mom could sense a kindness and solidarity coming from you
XLMIC recently posted..2012 Oakland Running Festival Marathon Relay Recap
Motherhood can be rough on all of us. I have often tried to stop to help distract a toddler throwing a fit while her mom was trying to check out.
Twitter: chicktuition
says:
Blogging definitely does give you greater insight into what others are going through in their lives. And helps you have to have more patience and compassion. Great post, Jessica!
jacqui recently posted..Secret Message…
Twitter: thekircorner
says:
love this so much…and you for choosing to share it again. WOW, this is so true. I think of each one of you anytime I am out and about, I never judge anymore. It could be ANY of you.
xoxo
Kir recently posted..The First Mother’s Day-Celebrating the Blogversary Blog Bash
Twitter: momma23monkeys
says:
You had me at she could be one on them.
So glad to know what blogging has given to you….
Robbie recently posted..StinkBug Wins House Hunters
Twitter: 1WheelersWorld
says:
This is such a poignant post. Lovely! The magic of the internet has brought me a lot of things over the years. Feeling a little less alone in this thing called mommyhood is a big one.
Aramelle {One Wheeler’s World} recently posted..{VLOG} The Big Cheese