When I Am Drowning

I spend my mornings making sure children are getting fed and dressed.

I spend my days keeping at least 1 eye on my toddler, the other on the dogs, the computer, the lunch I am making, or whatever else needs my attention.

I spend my afternoons making sure homework is done, dogs are not overfed, and no one is fighting.

I spend my evenings preparing dinner, cleaning up, bathing, or some other type of child related activity (the husband does help out on these areas as we normally split duties because really, we all know I rarely cook).

I spend my nights watching TV with the husband and then glued to my laptop.

In all of this I’m missing something.

Time for myself.

So I’m changing this.

Because I need to.

I am drowning.

So I ask for help. I reach out when I can’t take it anymore. While trying to hold back tears I tell, beg, ask my husband for an hour or two of alone time.

Thankfully he gets it. He sees the frustration in my eyes and the zits on my face that can only be caused by stress.

He helps me.

I’m grateful.

I can rise again.

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Hi and welcome! My name is Jessica Torres and I'm a homeschooling mom of two adorably insane girls on the path to greener living. I'm also self declared iPhone addict and lover of all things Apple. When not attached to my kids, my iPhone, or my laptop, you can find me creating cocktail recipes. Subscribe by RSS Feed or by email to join in the fun over here.

Latest posts by Jessica Torres (see all)

134 Responses to When I Am Drowning

  1. Lindsey
    Twitter: dashingly
    says:

    Admitting that you need help and asking for it is a big step that will keep you from exploding later. Good call.
    Lindsey recently posted..Raising a mini-me is like a do-over.

  2. Elena
    Twitter: elenawollborg
    says:

    I’m glad you’re getting some time to yourself. It’s so very, very important. Sometimes it is just all so much and it’s good to step back and take a little break. You can always call me and we can just chat about complete nonsense. I have a lot. ;)
    Elena recently posted..A Day of Lasts

  3. Sweaty
    Twitter: dosweatthesmall
    says:

    We all tend to get so caught up doing things with/for others, many times we forgot to spend time with/for ourselves. Hope you feel better soon; you deserve some ‘me’ time!

    And bravo to your hubs for being understanding!
    Sweaty recently posted..Thoughtful Thursday and Other Thursday Hops

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      He is very understanding and helpful.

      I’ve been taking me time every couple days for the last week or two and it’s definitely helping.

  4. MamaTrack
    Twitter: MamaTrack
    says:

    I’m so glad you asked. I know this feeling well. And you need to take time for yourself. Good for you!
    MamaTrack recently posted..The Scars I Bear

  5. Alison@Mama Wants This
    Twitter: MamaWantsThis
    says:

    He’s a keeper, your husband.

    Alone time is so, so, vital to our sanity. That and dessert.
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..I Am

  6. Kimberly
    Twitter: KimberlyAMuro
    says:

    Getting alone time is so very important, but I know that it’s also difficult as we already juggle so many things. Admitting it is a great step and your husband is certainly a keeper! If you ever need a break from the stress or need to unwind or unload, call me. I’m always here for you, my Assy bestie.
    Kimberly recently posted..Am I Good Enough?

  7. From “I Don’t Know How She Does It” tonight: The key to juggling is to keep throwing. But what comes up must come down.

    Good on you for taking that break, and for asking for help.
    Julie @ mamamash recently posted..But what about the consonants?

  8. Hopes@Staying Afloat!
    Twitter: HStayingAfloat
    says:

    OH man, I’m so glad you ask for it. I used to not ask for time to myself, and now I do. Everyone in our family is happier for it! Sometimes we just need the space to breath!
    Hopes@Staying Afloat! recently posted..Semi- Wordless Wednesday ~ Beam Me BACK Scotty!

  9. BloggerFather
    Twitter: BloggerFather
    says:

    Hey, it’s tough. I have a 3 year old, a one year old, and two very old whiny dogs. And my wife works late. On the one hand, who am I to ask her to take over for a little while when she’s worked from 8 to 8? But on the other hand, I’ve been home with the kids for 3 years, and I’m getting to know myself. I know when I just can’t take it anymore.

    Good luck.
    BloggerFather recently posted..This Daddy

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      We all have points where we need a break. You’re wife does work long hours. I hope she gets some days off in the week.

  10. Carri
    Twitter: carribrown
    says:

    Sometimes having that one or two hours is the difference between feeling overwhelmed or feeling refreshed! I’m glad John agrees.
    Carri recently posted..iPPP: Retirement is Hard

  11. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    Twitter: FarewellStrangr
    says:

    Applauding you, Jess. That’s so hard to ask for, and so important. Good for you.
    Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Where I’m From

  12. angela says:

    It’s hard to ask for that time. Enjoy every second of it; you deserve it and will be happier doing the rest of that stuff when you come back :)
    angela recently posted..Unsupervised, A Short Play

  13. Ali
    Twitter: suitcasetricks
    says:

    Alone time is so important and nobody gets enough of it. It’s sad. I think the good guys will understand. The best alone time: Go to the library and read magazines. Just sit there. It’s free too. When you need a break, you can people-watch.

  14. Jessica says:

    I can so relate to this post! Not having enough time for me, particularly as a sahm, is often a cause of stress. My husband helps out tremendously, but so do my family and friends. They are, I think, my saving grace. I really could not do it without their help.
    Jessica recently posted..“A clean house isn’t everything”

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      That’s awesome you have family and friends that can help out too. We don’t have family that lives close to us and not many friends so it’s challenging.

  15. Miss Marina Star
    Twitter: MissMarinaStar
    says:

    I can relate. I don’t know how you do as much as you do! I was able to get a much needed break by putting Amelia in preschool a few days a week. It has made all the difference in my life.

    I hope you are able to get some much needed relief.
    Miss Marina Star recently posted..Don’t Blink, You Might Miss Something

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I am hoping to put my youngest in preschool soon because she really needs to be around some other kids. Until then my husband is helping out by taking her to work for a couple hours a week.

  16. Tatter Scoops
    Twitter: tatterscoops
    says:

    Now that’s a good man, you got! Go take your me time and enjoy it. Truly you deserves it, lady!
    Tatter Scoops recently posted..What Infidelities Did To Me

  17. Practical Parenting
    Twitter: katiefhurley
    says:

    I know the feeling. We all need time to regroup. It’s so important. I hope you’re feeling better.
    Practical Parenting recently posted..Positive Discipline: Structure and Limits

  18. Christi says:

    Asking for help is so hard sometimes. I’m glad you have someone who is so responsive to you when you do need that help!
    Christi recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Another Onesie…

  19. Jessica@Team Rasler
    Twitter: teamrasler
    says:

    I was also thinking you were missing sleep somewhere in there! Glad your husband understood. Those are the moments when we’re reminded why we married them, right? Hope your alone time is refreshing.
    Jessica@Team Rasler recently posted..Who am I not to be?

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I am always missing sleep but that has become a permanent condition. Hopefully when my youngest gets a couple years older I can start to sleep again.

  20. Courtney @ The Mommy Matters
    Twitter: MrsMommyMatters
    says:

    I get it. Boy oh boy do I get it. Me time is imperative to sanity. Glad you have such a thoughtful and willing husband to take the brunt off of some of your anxiety. :)
    Courtney @ The Mommy Matters recently posted..When Joy comes Reluctantly

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I sure you understand this one with all that you do. It’s challenging to work from home while taking care of little ones. I hope your husband gives you me time when you need it.

  21. Stasha
    Twitter: NorthWestMommy
    says:

    As long as he gets it. That makes you both heroes.
    Stasha recently posted..Tale of a white chick

  22. mom2kiddos
    Twitter: kiddothings
    says:

    Your hubby is great for being so understanding. Come to think of it, I haven’t had much me-time myself and I’m so used to it already. I just need to do some shopping alone once in a while.
    mom2kiddos recently posted..No.2 Turns Two

  23. Mad Woman behind the Blog
    Twitter: madwomandiary
    says:

    Yup, thats a good man. I bet he realizes how much he benefits from keeping you happy.

    (I think I need to talk to mine!)

    Now go to bed, b/c I KNOW you’re up right now.

  24. Galit Breen
    Twitter: galitbreen
    says:

    Thank goodness for being able to ask for help {not my strength} and husbands that listen! XO
    Galit Breen recently posted..Where I’m From, A #Writing Exercise

  25. liz says:

    What a good guy!

    Now I understand why you loved being in school so much. You had peace and quiet during your studying. :)
    liz recently posted..I’m slowly realizing how much I photograph food

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I had lots of peace and quiet in the evenings when I locked myself in the office to do homework. It’s all gone now.

  26. Eve
    Twitter: EverythingEvie
    says:

    I know exactly how you feel. It’s tough, but we get through it with help from our awesome hubs.
    Eve recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Like Father, Like Son

  27. jacqui
    Twitter: chicktuition
    says:

    Everyone needs some alone time…it should be mandatory! I’m glad you can tell your husband how you feel and get a break when you need it.
    jacqui recently posted..The Truth About You…

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      It really should be mandatory for everyone to have some alone time. As long as we are allowed to have Apple products with us during that alone time.

  28. I am so glad you said something to him. He sounds like he understands and supports you! What a wonderful guy!
    JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Waiting is Hard!

  29. Kimberly says:

    I am so proud of you. Taking a step back and asking for help takes a lot of courage. We as women tend to think we can do it all and then bake a fucking pie…but that’s not true. We all need help and it’s ok to ask.
    So proud if you.
    Xoxo
    Kimberly recently posted..He Makes Me Proud

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I know I can’t bake any pies. But really, we can’t do it all and we don’t have to. It’s okay to ask for help and for some reason we forget that.

      Thank you for your support.

  30. Missy | Literal Mom
    Twitter: missybedell
    says:

    Yes. We all have days/weeks like that and asking for help is soooooo important. And really, we women? We don’t need a lot of “me time” to get rejuvenated, do we?
    Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..Songs That Suck – 1st Edition

  31. Jen {at} take2mommy
    Twitter: take2mommy
    says:

    Sorry to hear that you were so stressed from lack of “me time.” But I’m so happy that you recognized it, asked for it and got it. Have you thought about what you’re going to do with your gift of time to yourself?
    Jen {at} take2mommy recently posted..In-Laws, Mallomars and the Crazy Factor

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      Pedicures and laying in bed watching movies. I’ve been trying to stay off the computer when I get me time so that I can truly relax.

  32. Barbara
    Twitter: babspinfrance
    says:

    It takes a strong person to ask for help. I’m glad that your husband is helping out!
    Barbara recently posted..F is for Gym

  33. John
    Twitter: daddyrunsalot
    says:

    That “alone time” is so, so important. Every night, right after dinner, I try to take the kids . . . for bath night, I take my time in the bath, letting the kids splash & flail about until the water is cold. And then refill the tub, until the running water actually runs cold.

    When I get home, they “help me change,” which only takes me two minutes, yet we find that I’m in the room for an hour, reading books, wrestling, doing whatever the heck that kids need.

    The only time this becomes an issue is when I find that I need some “me time,” as well.
    John recently posted..Where I chronicle my Monday mornings

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      That’s awesome that you take the kids after you get home to help your wife. My husband has been great about doing the same thing lately.

      I’m trying to also make sure that he gets alone time in the evenings so that he can relax after work. So far we have been doing pretty good about trading off.

  34. Kir
    Twitter: thekircorner
    says:

    I’m so glad you asked and he answered. Truly. I know how lucky (and spoiled) I am to have a husband that just doesn’t need to be asked. Plus in my mind, you DO EVERYTHING, frankly I used to wonder how you could be online all the time, be such a media force, excellent writer, amazing mom (besides the no sleeping) without something “giving” …I swear I am barely hanging on somedays and I have a lot of help.

    I am just glad that you asked for and are going to get your me time…..as moms and women, we truly, truly, need it.

    xo
    Kir recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: Kimberly from All Work & No Play Make Mommy Go Something Something

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      A lot of my online time is on my phone which makes it easier for me.

      We do truly need alone time, I think everyone does. It helps to create balance.

  35. Mirjam
    Twitter: Mippertje
    says:

    I’ve learned the hard way (and am still learning) that me-time and alone time (two different things!) are vital. You can’t keep giving without recharging your battery.
    And it’s real hard when you get to a point where you feel empty or just really, really tired.
    You just took the first step, that’s the hard one. Now the next steps: have fun with a friend, take a nap (!), get your nails done, I don’t know, whatever..just have fun and breathe. Lots of love!
    Mirjam recently posted..Pretty lights

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I took a nap the last two days (mostly because I haven’t been feeling well) but I still enjoyed the rest. I’ve also been getting pedicures and doing nothing but watch TV when I get a little bit of alone time.

  36. Aw, Jess…so sorry you’ve been feeling this way. You are lucky to have a good husband to help when you need it…and one that cooks too ;)

  37. Tasha@ The Whole Mom
    Twitter: thewholemom
    says:

    I am the same way. I must have alone time. It can be an hour or two at Target ALONE with an Americano, as I peruse the clearance racks. Or like last night, an hour alone in my bed, with my iPad, watching the latest ep of Parenthood.

    You have to know what your limits are. And it is definitely better for everyone. At least in this house. ;)
    Tasha@ The Whole Mom recently posted..Just Write: I Hear Him

  38. Paulette
    Twitter: LittleMsP
    says:

    So get it! I do. I am the worst at asking for help or alone time. It’s something we all need, especially us crazy mom types. Hubs usually points it out to me something like, hey I got the kids you do whatever or here’s some money get outta here.

    Why is making time for us so hard? We know we need it yet we feel awful bout asking for it or taking it.
    Paulette recently posted..I Need To Get Over Myself

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      That is great of your husband to take the kids or to give you some money and tell you to get out of the house. Don’t feel bad taking it.

  39. Grumpy Grateful Mom
    Twitter: grumpygrateful
    says:

    You have a good guy. Sorry you’ve been stressed. It’s good you knew what you needed! Maybe a week long Hawaiian vacation might help too. That’s what I’ve been trying to convince my husband of–no luck so far. :)
    Grumpy Grateful Mom recently posted..The Loves of my Life

  40. Jessica
    Twitter: Spitupchronicle
    says:

    Im reading this WHILE taking some me time. Our internet went out at our house and wont be back until Tuesday–so my husband let me sneak off to my moms to play. I think the fact that your recognizing you need some YOU time is so vital. And props to your hubby for giving it to you.
    Jessica recently posted..Caramel Mocha Cappuccino

  41. Sarcasm Goddess
    Twitter: sarcasmgoddess
    says:

    Me time is so so important! Good for you for asking for help. Enjoy your alone time.
    Sarcasm Goddess recently posted..A Really Lame Post That You Should Still Read Because It Will Make You Awesome

  42. so glad your husband gets it and that you are getting some much needed me time.
    Cam – Bibs & Baubles recently posted..Meet My Inner Fashionista

  43. Amanda Austin
    Twitter: Amandaaustin
    says:

    Ahh, girl, I know exactly…EXACTLY how you feel. It’s a never ending job. Do take time for yourself..we all deserve it!!
    Amanda Austin recently posted..#PinterestChallenge: Cheese sauce and hair

  44. Anne says:

    So glad you have a husband who “gets it” and is willing to help out! Knowing we need help and asking for it is huge. A lot of times mom take on too much and beat themselves up over not being able to do it all.
    Anne recently posted..Decorating With Parasol Chandelier – WW

  45. So important to ask for help when you need it! That time by yourself is vital!
    Nicole at the Boy House recently posted..Mullets and Me

  46. Bruna
    Twitter: beeswithhoney
    says:

    You have a *great* husband, it sounds. Mine just pouts and whines whenever he sees me blogging or tweeting. He’s worse than the kids!
    Bruna recently posted..a better version of myself

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      My husband used to not be too happy about my time online but as it has progressed and he has seen my blog grow and the great things I can do with social media he has changed his attitude.

  47. Gina says:

    I HEAR YOU!!!!!!!! We need that time to just be “who we are” so we can stay sane. I’m feeling a bit of that myself these days. More on that in the coming days- :) Hugs & hope you get some more of that well deserved time for yourself.
    Gina recently posted..Edits of My Handsom Teen

  48. My Inner Chick
    Twitter: krrobi
    says:

    –Jessica,
    If I were there, I’d babysit for you! :))) XXXX Yes. It’s true.
    My Inner Chick recently posted..What A CREEP!

  49. Laci
    Twitter: laci512
    says:

    It’s really great that you have someone who is willing to step in and let you get away. We all need that from time to time!

  50. Minivan Mama
    Twitter: rockthemini
    says:

    Help! We all need it from time to time! Good for you to ask for it. Hope you get that time and rise again!
    Minivan Mama recently posted..Rock The Feather

  51. By Word of Mouth Musings
    Twitter: ByWordsMusings
    says:

    That is why blogging conferences are cool get aways … you can recharge, have downtime, feel like you are doing something beneficial … and its all about YOU!
    You need to take care of you sweet thing!
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Wordy Wordless Wednesday

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I didn’t feel like there was any downtime at BlogHer. Maybe Blissdom will be better. If not, at least I’ll be around my friends.

  52. Roxanne says:

    I’m glad your husband is so supportive so you can take care of YOU. It’s something so many of us forget, or don’t get, that it is important to take care of ourselves, not just the kids all the time.
    Roxanne recently posted..Repost: This is about my dad, the greatest man in the world.

  53. Roxanne says:

    PS That comment is a grammatical mess. I apologize. Although I’m sure it’s only bothering me.
    Roxanne recently posted..Repost: This is about my dad, the greatest man in the world.

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I’m sure many of my comments are a mess, especially when I comment first thing in the morning. Doesn’t bother me.

  54. Dana K
    Twitter: TheDanaK
    says:

    I’m glad you are taking care of yourself, Jessica. People are always surprised when I go somewhere for a weekend and “let” Chris take care of Klaw. It kind of makes me sad…he’s the DAD taking care of his SON alone for the weekend. He’s not some random babysitter. I am thankful every day to have a husband, like yours, who understands that when you are the main source of everything 24 hours a day, you need a break. Good on ya’ for seeing that need and acting on it.
    Dana K recently posted..Mitochondrial Disease Awareness Week: A Great Day

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I take occasional weekends away from the kids too and I love them. Usually I spend the time with family or by myself but it’s a great thing. It does surprise me too when people are shocked that a dad takes care of his kids for a period of time. They are perfectly capable of caring for their own children.

  55. Alex says:

    I think we have all being there… it helps to have a husband that helps .. we are blessed in this area.
    Alex recently posted..Milestone Alert!

  56. It’s always good to find time to yourself. We women take on a lot of responsibility and there’s nothing wrong with asking for help or time to take care of us.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..So How’d You Meet? Story & Her Guy

  57. Leighann says:

    I know this feeling well.
    But I have a hard time expressing that I need help and end up exploding.
    Thank God I have a man who is patient and understanding. He gets that I take on too much.
    I’m here for you too Jessica, if you ever need me.
    Leighann recently posted..Are You Reading?

    • Jessica D Torres says:

      I used to explode when I was at the end of my rope. I am doing so much better lately at recognizing when I need help and in asking for it. I hope you can start doing this too. Thank you for your support and for being my friend. I appreciate it.

  58. tracy@sellabitmum
    Twitter: sellabitmum
    says:

    I think all moms need to do this – but rarely do. Me included. And then – we get that damn guilt for being away or worrying if they will eat a proper dinner or their socks will match. Gah.
    tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..My Kid is Wearing Jeans – Tube Tops are Next Right?

    • Jessica Torres says:

      The guilt is difficult too but lately I’ve really pushed that out of my mind by telling myself I deserve the break.

  59. RachelJoy says:

    motherhood is hard work and that’s why we were never meant to do it alone. it’s great that your husband understands and is giving you the time you need to relax and rejuvenate…
    RachelJoy recently posted..Nannies Go-Go

  60. blueviolet says:

    Mama has to be taken care of. It’s so easy to put ourselves last, but it’s not healthy. Good for you!
    blueviolet recently posted..My #RaguWeekend in NYC with “Celebrity” Sighting!

  61. Oh, Jess!

    This was a peek into you that I didn’t expect…you’re one of those bloggers I’ve always thought could “do it all” and I chalked it up to “she’s so young!”

    You have so much energy and you give so much of yourself.
    I am glad to know that you finally asked for what you need, too.

    You need time. Deep breaths. Big hugs.
    (I’m sending hugs, for sure.)

    p.s. I see no zits, lady. You are beautiful!
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me rooted

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Thank you Julie. I’ve learned to use Photoshop to cut the zits out of pictures. It’s a wonderful tool. I do my best to keep up with everything but at times it does get to me.

  62. It seems like a no brainer, right? To ask for time off and yet my son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is going on 7 months and while my husband helps…I still don’t know what it’s like to have me time. I too feel like I am drowning and losing myself in motherhood.
    Melisa – Mommy This and That recently posted..I Am…

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Having an infant it’s really hard to get that me time because the little one is so dependent. It will get easier. Maybe you can have some family come and help out as well to give you more of a break?

  63. Lane says:

    Everyone needs alone time, especially busy moms. It a great thing to take of yourself. If I make sure to take “me” time, then I find I’m a better person, mother and wife. It sounds like your hubby is amazing, just like mine. Isn’t it awesome when they understand you when you really need them to?! I wish you lots of rest, relaxation and time for yourself!!
    Lane recently posted..Then & Now: A New Generation of Trouble

    • Jessica Torres says:

      My husband is awesome and I’m glad to hear yours is as well. Sometimes we all just need a break and it’s great to have someone that understands that.

  64. Kristy @PampersandPinot
    Twitter: PampersandPinot
    says:

    I’m so glad you are able to say something and ask for what you need. That is the most important thing of all. Some go on and on with building resentment and never ask for the time or help. Hope you get that me time and get back to feeling more like yourself!
    Kristy @PampersandPinot recently posted..Suburban Friendship

    • Jessica Torres says:

      Many times I have carried the resentment around when I know that if I had just said something it would be completely different. I’m slowly learning to not do this anymore and to instead speak up. It’s helping.

  65. Tonya says:

    Asking for help when you need it is so hard sometimes. I’m glad that you found the courage and hope you get exactly what you need. This was a good post and a great reminder!
    Tonya recently posted..Riding In Cars With Boys

  66. MommaKiss
    Twitter: mommakiss
    says:

    talk about stress induced skin issues. Mine? On my chest. And my hairline. I know it’s from not eating/sleeping/getting enough of Anything! Good Lord. May you find many little “you times” coming up. Take them!
    MommaKiss recently posted..Help. I feel like a maroon.

    • Jessica Torres says:

      These stress induced skin issues really suck. I wish they would just stop. I hope you can get some me time in the future.

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